Monday, May 20, 2013

Elusive Dreams

They say that the two week wait to find out if you are pregnant is the hardest thing. You analyze every little twinge that you feel. For me it was cramping, nausea, and being tired. Sometimes the cramps were the bad thing for the day, other times wanting to throw up my chicken at lunch was the worst thing. If you recall me being nauseated is not a new thing and now I know that I shouldn't have read into anything.

This morning we went in for the blood draw to find out if we were pregnant. Of course since I have no patience I took a urine test this morning. Just more of the same that I'm used to seeing, "not pregnant." I knew that sometimes the urine tests are not that accurate especially this early, so I held out hope. When we got to the doctors to have our blood drawn the phlebotomist  asked me if I had tested and I told her that I had and that it said not pregnant. She wasn't too optimistic that that the blood test would be positive and she was right. We just got a phone call that my blood pregnancy test was negative.

I felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach. The wind was knocked out of my sails. I'm pissed. I'm going to go back over every moment from the transfer on and analyze them to figure out what the hell happened. I have a pretty good idea of what I think happened, but that is not here nor there and doesn't change the fact that I'm still not going to be able to hold a precious baby in my arms.

So where do we go from here?  As of today I stop taking the aspirin, estrogen, and the progesterone shots. I should get my period in 2-7 days. On day 3 of bleeding I will start the birth control again. We are going to try a frozen cycle this next time. At this point I am not sure what this entails, but we have an appointment June 3rd.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Welcome To The Incubator!

Today was transfer day. We went into the office at 10:00 this morning. Prior to going to the office I had to drink 16 ounces of water so that they could use the ultrasound more efficiently. I also took a Valium that was supposed to calm me for the procedure. When we got to the office we had to wait for a while before we went back and the Valium pretty much wore off. Nick had a great time laughing at me though! We found out later that there were two retrievals before us this morning. Good Luck Ladies!

I thought that we were just going to go into one of the exam rooms like we did for the trial transfer. Oh no!  We went back into the pre-op room. The embryologist came in a talked to us about our eggs. She showed us the pictures of the two that they were going to transfer back and explained why they chose those ones. The picture below shows the two they transferred.

The picture on the right is the best one. There is a little mass of cells on the lower left corner. That mass becomes the baby. The cells on the outer ring become the placenta. This one was the best because it was already starting to hatch; see the two little cells on the bottom? The picture on the left is a close second. It's not starting to hatch, but is close. She also showed us pictures of the other fertilized eggs that we had. One was at the stage that they were going to freeze today. There are three more they are hoping to freeze tomorrow. The rest of the 10 that were fertilized just didn't amount to much and weren't growing. Essentially we lost 4. We don't know if they weren't right genetically or there was something else causing them not to grow. Still pretty good odds if you ask me.

Then we signed a consent to have the two great ones transferred back. Then Nick and I  had to change into a gown, hat, and booties again. This time Nick was able to be in the room with me. We walked into the same procedure room that we had the retrieval in and sat in the same chair. This time it was Dr. Mooney who did the transfer. Basically they put a speculum in and used the ultrasound to guide the catheter into the uterus to deposit the blastocysts in the right spot. Everything went well and I had absolutely no pain. After the procedure we went back into the room we changed in and changed back into our clothes and I was wheeled out to the waiting car.

Next step is basically a waiting game. I am on bed rest for the next three days. I am enjoying sitting on the couch and being waited on :)  Oh who am I kidding, this is a common occurrence! I have a feeling that I will get bored really quickly though. I will continue with the daily progesterone shots. I want to give a shout out to the girls I work with who are getting stuck with shooting me up in the mornings when I have to work. You've all been doing a wonderful job! I am also still on the estrogen pills twice a day, along with prenatal vitamin, folic acid, and baby aspirin. At least there aren't 9 pills at night anymore!  All will come to a head on May 20th. That morning I will go in for a blood pregnancy test and by that afternoon we will know if all of this worked. Until then, have a Happy Mother's Day! I love you mom!


Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Let's Make a Baby!

Yesterday was the day. We went into the office at 7:15am. Nick went first and made his deposit into the cup for fertilization. When Nick was back in the room, the nurse anesthetist call me back in the pre/post op room. I changed into a hospital gown, put on a hat and some booties. Then the anesthetist came in and talked to me about the procedure and the sedation they were going to give me. Basically it's not general anesthesia but I didn't feel or see a thing. So once all the discussion was done, I signed the consent for the anesthesia. Then they put in an IV for fluid and the sedation. I walked into the procedure room and sat in the chair. There was an ultrasound machine and some other machines. Once I sat in the chair, they laid me back, and put my legs in the stirrups.And that's all I remember!  The next thing I knew I was awake and the procedure was done.  The anesthetist said that he stopped counting after they hit 10 eggs that they took out. They put me in a chair and wheeled me back into the pre/post op room. The embryologist came in and told us how many eggs they actually took out. They took 18 eggs! That's a pretty good number. 

After that I got dressed and they wheeled me out to the car. We stopped on the way home to get donuts for Nick and a muffin for me and then we went and got a fruit smoothie for me. On the way home I started to get hot and very nauseated. When we got home I went as fast as I could into the bathroom and threw up. It wouldn't be the last time either. I ended up throwing up a total of 3 times on Monday. I think the second and third times were because I ate too much too fast. I tried to have grilled chicken and baked potato for dinner. Bad idea!! 

This morning we got a phone call from the embryologists. Of the 18 eggs that they retrieved, 13 of the eggs were mature eggs which they fertilized with Nick's sperm. Of the 13 eggs that they fertilized, 10 actually fertilized normally. So we essentially have what could become 10 babies. On Thursday we will get another call telling us what the eggs look like and how many of them are good. Saturday we will go back in and have 2 of the embryos put back into my uterus. And then we go from there.

The medications have not stopped with the egg retrieval. I don't have to give myself twice daily injections anymore, but there are still medications.  Monday night I starting taking estrace and medrol. The medrol is a steroid that helps suppress the immune response to prevent your body from rejecting the embryos and enhances implantation. The medrol is once a day. The estrace is twice a day. This morning I also started taking progesterone injections. These continue at least until the end of the first trimester. 

On another note, my puppy is very sad. We think he is missing all the eggs. I am sure that I smell different from all the hormones and he senses that. He sticks to me like white on rice :) I don't mind. I love him too! 

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Look at those Ovaries!

Saturday May 4th we went for another ultrasound to check the size of the follicles. This time Dr. Moretuzzo was the one who did our ultrasound. As soon as he put the wand in to check you could see both ovaries. Normally he has to move the wand around a little to see each ovary. This time they were both present and accounted for. The moment he froze the screen I could tell; we were ready!  Those follicles were huge! We have a total of 6 on the right side that were big enough yesterday (the biggest was 22mm) and there were a total of 8 on the left side (the biggest on this side was 21mm, I think). When there are 6 or more that are greater than 18mm we trigger. Triggering means that I get another shot :). This time I get HCG. This is an intramuscular shot. Nick actually had to give this shot to me since I went into my butt! I'm sure that he had a wonderful time shoving a long needle into my butt. This is going to be a common occurrence when I start the progesterone on Tuesday. Although, this time since I have to take it in the morning the girls I work with are going to have to shoot me up!

Anyway, giving the trigger shot had to be done at a specific time. Once the shot is given, I will ovulate in 36 hours. Since we don't want me to ovulate on my own and we need to take the follicles out and fertilize them, we give the trigger shot 35 hours before the retrieval. Since my retrieval is scheduled for :745 in the morning tomorrow we gave the trigger shot at 8:45 pm yesterday. Saturday was the last day that I gave myself the Ganirelix to prevent ovulation. I also gave myself my last shot of Follistim and Menopur on Friday night. Yeah!  It's a good thing too. Thursday night I was on my way home from picking up Dakota at after school care and got sick in the car. Of course I had Marley with us and luck for me I had grabbed a "poop bag" prior to leaving the house. That's the last time that happened.

Tomorrow morning is the retrieval. I am excited but scared. I have to have anesthesia for the procedure. I don't do so well with anesthesia. I tend to puke after anesthesia. Hopefully they give me enough Zofran to combat the puking!

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Bigger and Bigger

Today we met Dr. Nash. It's always interesting when you are meeting a doctor for the first time and you are getting a vaginal ultrasound. "Hi, Doc, nice to meet you. Now put the wand in and tell me how we're doing."

Unlike Dr. Moretuzzo, Dr Nash only told us the size of the biggest follicles. The biggest one on the right is 13mm and the biggest one on the left is 13.5mm.  Since they were this big we started the Ganirelix this morning. This is also another injection. I will take this in the morning between 6 am to 8 am.

We will go in for another ultrasound and blood draw on Saturday May 4th. If everything looks good we are thinking that the retrieval will be Monday or Tuesday next week. Then the transfer will be Friday or Saturday.

I've been getting asked how I'm feeling. I have noticed that I am nauseous in the mornings until I eat something, but that is nothing new for me. I am also more emotional at night. I was watching "First Daughter" Monday night and I found myself bawling at the end of it. It's not necessarily a move that should make you do that!  I've also noticed that I can't stand for too long since my ovaries are getting bigger they are heavier in my abdomen and hurt more. Nothing I can't deal with!

I want to say thank you to everyone who is praying for us and supporting us through this process. It's nice to know that we have so many friends out there.