Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Another Letdown

Yesterday was the first appointment of this frozen cycle. I had an ultrasound and blood draw. I had stopped taking my birth control on the 18th. Does anyone remember what happened the last time I stopped taking my birth control??  Stay tuned for the answer....

 This time when I went into the room the doctor came in with a resident. I don't usually mind resident physicians. I work with them everyday and know that every good doctor had to learn at some point. So I got up on the table and put my legs in the stirrups. The resident started to do my ultrasound. Ok! She kept moving the probe every which way and didn't stop to see what she was looking at. At one point I had to squeeze Nick's hand because it hurt so much. At that point Dr. Moretuzzo took over. Ever so gently he swung the probe into position and found the lining of my uterus which he said was thin and looked like it was supposed to. Then he swung the probe to look at my left ovary. Yup, it was there and was quiet. Then came the right ovary. As soon as he swung it to the right I knew. I've seen enough of these ultrasounds to pretty much read them on my own. There was a giant cyst. Yes, this is what happened the last time I finished taking my birth control.  Dr. Moretuzzo said that we should still be able to proceed as long as my estrogen level was low. I asked how high was too high. He said it needed to be under 50.  Off to get my blood drawn I went. I had to wait until the afternoon to get my results back. Any guesses??  Drum roll please...... 70.  Yeah, way too high. So I get to continue the Lupron for another two weeks and then go back for another ultrasound and hope that the cyst is gone. From now on I think they need to just plan for a few more weeks for my body to right itself before trying to do anything. While we were with Dr. Moretuzzo he asked me if I had gotten any hot flashes yet. I replied no, but I found out what he was talking about today!  Let me just say that Lupron and sterile garb for a PICC line do not mix!

In a week and a half I am on vacation for 10 days. I can't wait! I love my job and the people I work with, but sometimes one needs time away. I am looking forward to spending the time with my husband and doggie. I am going to get caught up on quilting projects and hang out at the pool. Oh yeah and probably work on some CEU's for my board certification. Maybe I'll do that while I'm at the pool...

Monday, June 17, 2013

Tornadoes

Grief is like a tornado. It comes when you least expect it. The day after we found out that we weren't pregnant I had to work. Nothing like a punch to the gut. Everyone around me was happy and going on about their days and I'm sitting there trying not to burst into tears. I knew I wasn't my self, but I had to get through the day. Of course those who read this blog where asking how I was doing and I appreciated all of their thoughts and prayers. In hind sight I probably should have taken the day off. Like I said, grief is something that shows up in the things that you aren't expecting. I would listen to people talk about their pregnancies or the names they've picked out for their babies and think why isn't that me? Why can't I join in those conversations?

Prior to finding out that we weren't pregnant Nick and I talked about what if... what if we weren't pregnant? Would we keep going? A frozen cycle would be next. We had decided that we would continue on and do a frozen cycle and use the two embryos that we had frozen after the first cycle. So when the IVF nurse called to tell us we failed we let her know that was what we wanted to do. We scheduled an appointment for June 3rd. We were under the impression that this appointment was going to tell us what we needed to do to move on. By the time this appointment came around I was starting to move on and look forward. I knew the first cycle didn't work and was looking forward to finding out what was next. Boy were we wrong!

We walked into the appointment and sat down in Dr. Moretuzzo's office and he started going back through the cycle step by step. I burst into tears. He preceded to tell us how many eggs we harvested, how many fertilized, how many were good, how many were transferred and how many were frozen. I knew all of this! Why did we have to go through all of this again?? One of the last things that was said in this meeting was that we may need to look at "lifestyle choices" for the reason why the embryos didn't implant. For those of you that know me personally know that I have struggled with my weight most of my teen and adult life. I have done every diet plan known to man. I would lose weight, but could never keep it off. At one point I did a medical liquid diet. Again lost weight, but couldn't keep it off. Back in September 2011 when we met with my OB before we started this infertility journey, we asked whether it would be better to look at a surgical weight loss option before doing IUI or IVF. We were told to go the infertility route first and then look into the surgical weight loss options after we were done having children. I was told that if we did the surgery first we would have to wait until I was fully recovered to start this process and by then my age would become a factor. That was the last time my weight was brought up. Until now.

There was no information about the frozen cycle in that meeting. We were told to go out into the waiting room and the IVF nurse would come and get us and talk to us. I was still crying. The nurse came out and told us that the IVF nurse would call us and let us know what was going on. We didn't get a phone call for two days. When we finally got that phone call it was to set up the transfer date. This time they set the date for the transfer and then work backward. There is a lot more to this cycle than I thought there would be. For that reason I am going to try to post each step as it happens. Once I got my period after stopping the progesterone shots from the last cycle I started birth control again. Last Friday I started Lupron. Lupron is measured in units and is given in shot form. I was started on 10 units a day. I give myself a shot every morning around 7:30 am. I will take my last birth control pill on Tuesday the 18th. Since I started the Lupron I have started spotting. I have been assured that this is par for the course.

As far as the weight issue goes, Nick and I started on some extra vitamins and protein shakes. I am also keeping track of the calories and exercise that I do every every day. So far I have lost 4 pounds. A long way from where I need to be so currently the plan is that we will do this frozen cycle and if it doesn't work we are planning on doing a harvesting only cycle. We will have them fertilize whatever eggs they harvest and then freeze the good ones.  We are not going to have them implant anything with that cycle. Then we are going to look at our surgical weight loss options. This way my eggs will be younger even if I'm not :). As of right now this is the plan, but as you all know things can change.