Epic Failure

So, I was right about trying not to analyze every little symptom that I was having. It doesn't pay off. I spent Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and most of Thursday sitting on my ass in the hope that the two little embryos that we put back into my uterus on Monday would somehow find there way to bury themselves into the side and we would finally be able to say "we're pregnant."  As you can tell from the title, we aren't. I've failed again. And yes I mean me. It's my problem. I'm a Failure!

I made the mistake of taking a home pregnancy test Tuesday night when I got home from work. Of course it said what it always says, "not pregnant." Why should I have expected anything other than that? That's all I ever get. Wanna talk about those symptoms? Well, here you go... I was nauseous all the time. I had even started eating saltine crackers just to get through. I had cramps. Not like period cramps either. Just small subtle ones. I had discharge, yeah I know TMI, but suck it up. It was the kind of discharge that according to the website I was on should have signaled a pregnancy. My nipples hurt. I was tired. I would sleep from 10 pm until 7:30 am,  get up, get my progesterone shot, and go back to bed until 11 or 12. Then came the not being able to sleep. I would have to get up in the middle of the night and pee and then couldn't go back to sleep. I woke up one night with my heart racing and wanting to puke.  All signs pointed toward being pregnant. LIAR!!

Of course I still had to go in and get my blood drawn at the doctors office. Pointless, I already knew the answer. Second IVF failed. Frozen transfers are supposed to have a better success rate. Someone should tell them they are wrong. I kept getting told that I should lose weight. We guess what, over the last two months I've lost 10 pounds. Didn't help did it?!

Pregnant women are everywhere. They are on everyone of my favorite television shows, there are on every commercial,   they are in every nook and cranny at work, they are at the grocery store. Well, you can all go to hell! Maybe I should go and shoot up every drug I can find, sleep around every night, not have a job and be on medicaid. Maybe then God will see fit to knock me up. Since obviously getting married, getting a masters degree and then trying to have a baby isn't they way you're supposed to do it.

We don't know what our next step is going to be. We will not be having a follow up appointment due to what happened the last time we did. I am incredibly pissed off and feel like I've been lied to for the past 2 1/2 years.