My Luck Sucks

I am sorry that I have taken so long to post. This week has been extremely difficult. I am also sorry that this post is forever long.

If you recall we were given the methotrexate shot on Friday October 25th. I went in on Monday October 28th for an hCG level. We had originally been told that once the shot took effect my levels would start to go down. Apparently, it is normal for the levels to go up the first 48 hours. Just prior to the methotrexate shot my level was 232. On the 28th my level went up to 443. We had planned on being back in Fort Wayne from the 29th to the 1st and would get my labs redrawn when we got back to Akron on November 1st; which we did. Since we had the labs drawn in the afternoon, we didn't get the results back until Saturday morning. Nick and I were both working 24 hour shifts. It is extremely hard to get a hold of me at work so I repeatedly tell the nursing staff that they need to use my pager to get a hold of me. Well, they didn't. They just called my cell phone and left me a message. I was lucky that I got the message. My level had only dropped to 441. By a week after the methotrexate shot it should have dropped by 15%. 2 points is not 15%. They wanted us to come in to the office Sunday morning for an ultrasound and blood work.

Sunday morning in the office was terrible. The doctor that was working had brought his new baby into the office. The waiting room was packed! It was standing room only! We had to wait for almost an hour before we were called back to a room. And Nick and I were both cranky having been up for so long. Dr. Mooney  asked if I was still having pregnancy symptoms; yes, I had to pee all the time and my breasts hurt. He asked if I was having any pain. Nope, no pain. He then did an ultrasound to look for any sign of fluid or blood that would point to something bad happening as opposed to just an incomplete miscarriage. Nothing. There was no sign of anything. He told us he was concerned that it was a tubal pregnancy.

We asked how that could have happened with this being an IVF pregnancy. Sometimes what happens is that when the embryos are transferred back into the uterus, the uterus gets crampy and can act like a turkey baster and suck the fluid back into the tubes. Then the embryo attaches itself to the wall of the tube. Since I wasn't having any pain we had an hCG and liver enzymes drawn to see if the level had gone down and if there was a possibility that we could be given a second methotrexate shot. Sine it was Sunday (November 3rd) we had to go back Monday morning to see Dr. Moretuzzo and get our lab results.

Monday came and we went into the office. Surprise, surprise, the hCG level had gone down to 360.  But, my liver enzymes were elevated so there was no chance of being given another shot of methotrexate. We were also given another ultrasound also to look for more badness. He noticed that my right ovary was pretty quiet and that my left still had some pretty big cysts on it. He saw some fluid which he thought was ok, but did not see any blood. I was again asked if I was having any pain and wasn't so, we were sent on our way with plans to come back in Wednesday for another hCG draw to make sure the level had continued to drop. I was also told that I was to call if I had any pain or anything just felt different.

I was good until Tuesday morning. I went to work and actually had a good time with the girls I was working with in the morning. A baby needed a PICC line in the morning so two of us broke from rounds to work on that. While we were working on that I had my first feeling of "weirdness."  No pain. Just some pressure on my left side and a few cramps. It just felt different, so I called the office and they had me come in to the office for an ultrasound. I got to the office at 2:15 pm. They called me back and I described what I was feeling to Dr. Nash. Just that there was pressure and a little cramping. I should mention here that pain and I are not on talking terms. When my gall bladder went bad, the only symptom I had was being nauseated. No pain whatsoever. When they took my gall bladder out it fell apart in the surgeons hand. She couldn't believe that I wasn't in any pain. So now back to Tuesday...  He asked about doing a 2nd shot of methotrexate and I told him we had ruled that out on Monday due to my liver enzymes. He decided that he wanted to talk to Dr. Moretuzzo. After the discussion, the decision was made to take me to surgery for a laparoscopy for what we presumed was a left tubal or ectopic pregnancy. I left the office at 3 pm. We had to be at the hospital for check in at 4 pm. Nick met me at home and we arranged for our puppy to be watched and left. They couldn't do surgery until at least 6 pm since I had eaten lunch while waiting for the office to call me back. At 6 pm on the nose I was taken back into the OR. Pretty much the next thing that I remember was waking up in recovery puking. I will spare you all the details, but just know it wasn't pretty. No one told me anything about the surgery since they were trying to get my nausea and coughing under control. I remained on oxygen for about 3 hours (I have asthma and was getting over bronchitis). Nick was finally able to come back to recovery and he was the one to tell me the news.  It wasn't a left ectopic. It was a right sided ectopic and my Fallopian tube was too badly damaged to be saved.

I started crying and I pretty much haven't stopped since. I have my moments when I need to make a decision about the house or be around people who have no idea what is happening to me. I am angry. I am angry at God for letting this happen to us. I am angry that I won't be taking a baby home from the hospital. I am angry that no one understands. I am angry that I work with babies. I am angry that I see women get pregnant and take home babies that don't deserve them or care what happens to them. I am tired of seeing and hearing about babies everywhere I turn. i want to do nothing but curl up in a corner. Apparently we are going to have to go through everything imaginable to get our baby. Next up I'll probably have to endure another couple of years trying to get pregnant and then if we finally do we'll probably lose that one too. I have always hoped that eventually we would be able to achieve what we want on our own without medical intervention. I guess that dream is out of the window.

We have had no direction as to what happens from here. I haven't seen or talked to a doctor since just before surgery. I go back Monday for a hCG level.  Doing my own research I found that there is a 2-8% chance of an ectopic pregnancy happening with IVF. Guess we are just that lucky.